Ten Unacknowledged Apologies in American Retail

Ranked by the Weight of Their Absence

The following ten apologies were never offered. They are ranked not by what was said but by the size of the silence in which it ought to have been said. The method is the Collection's own and is not open to appeal.

No. 1 · The Standing Entry The apology not offered at the Cumberland Farms on N. Main Street, Concord, New Hampshire, on the 9th of November, 2001. (See the record.) Owed for a cut line and a postdated check. Twenty-five years outstanding and accruing. The largest unacknowledged apology in the Collection's holdings, and the apology around which the Collection was built.
The "sorry" swallowed by the man who took the last cart and saw you see him. Eye contact was made. Nothing followed it.
The apology the self-checkout owes you for the words "unexpected item in the bagging area." The item was expected. You had placed it there yourself.
The apology a gas-station hot dog owes the concept of the pig. Profound, geological, and unlikely ever to be paid.
The regret never expressed by a shopping-cart wheel that pulls exclusively to the left. It knows. It continues regardless.
The apology owed by a coupon that expired by a single day. One day. The Collection finds this the cruellest interval there is.
The apology a deli-counter ticket machine owes everyone holding number 47. They are calling 31. They have been calling 31 for some time.
The "excuse me" a stranger's elbow declined to provide in a narrow cereal aisle. Contact was brief, mutual, and unacknowledged by either party.
The apology owed by the last name called for a table, which was not yours. It was close. It was not yours.
The apology you yourself owe the cashier for counting exact change with a line behind you. Included for balance. The Collection believes in accountability and extends it, on this one occasion, to itself.

Bulletin No. 002 will rank ten beverages by the dignity of their purchase. Its first entry is not in doubt.